A Place to Process

Is this even still my blog? I’m not sure how long it has been since I last decided to ramble in cyberspace. I’m sure at least half of those links over there in the blogroll would take you to a notification that “this page no longer exists”.

Anyways … as I write this time, things are a little different. I no longer have two cute little baby feet making me uncomfortable from the inside. No, those have been replaced by four baby feet running around me, turning my mind to mush. Oh, and my ideals are … I guess you could say “crumbling” around me.

I’m stuck in a really uncomfortable spot, where my mushy baby brain likes to think all of the time about these crazy thoughts God is putting inside of my head. I’m no longer pulled into throwing my time into the black hole of Pinterest (although there are some recipes I really do try, and a few pins that my kids enjoy). I no longer look at this life of comfort I have created for myself (from the gifts the God has given me to use) and think “yeah, this is what following Jesus in America looks like”, simply because our family is looking after orphans by starting the adoption process and sponsoring a few girls in poverty-stricken countries. What on earth am I doing with the time God has given me?! If I am honest with myself, I am squandering it along with the resources God has given me. Though my husband and I dream of opening our home to a handful of orphans in the future, I can’t help but think “is that really following the Jesus of the Bible”?¬†

And sure, there is the church plant. We are helping to plant a church in our city, which has had it’s challenges … but anything with value does. We are calling the plant “The Bride”, and I think that just maybe, because of the name we chose, God has been deconstructing and is now reconstructing how we follow Him.

He has used a couple books, and a lot of scripture to do this demolition. The most recent of books is 7:an experimental mutiny against excess by Jen Hatmaker. This book has really been pressing in what God had been laying on my heart months ago. We I spend, spend, spend without even thinking. I am in a very similar spot that she seemed to be in while writing the book. In the introduction she says:

“It’s time to admit I’m trapped in the machine, held by my own selfishness. It’s time to face our spending and call it what it is: a travesty. I’m weary of justifying it. … I’m ready to adopt Jesus’ version of rich, blessed, and generous.

And so, I’m starting the experiment myself. Time to see where I carelessly throw our money. Time to see where our resources can go to help the poor and needy in our community and across the globe.¬† Time to advance the kingdom by humbling myself, and only using what God has given to take care of our needs. Time to stop believing the lie that I am really following the path of Christ, when I don’t sacrifice¬†much any comfort to take care of the marginalized.

Oh God, forgive me for squandering your precious resources. Am I not given to give away? I know I have so far to go, and so much to learn, but thanks be to the Spirit for always working to bring us to completion at the day of Jesus Christ!