All of the Above

There is so much I could say about this video, but 1) I am tired  2) I could not do the content justice  and 3) My faith is sometimes weak and I feel I have no room to talk.

All I know is that I’m always glad to be reminded that God is in control and that it is Him who holds me together, because there is no one more suitable or more capable.  May you be moved to praise the Creator …

Well, today is the day.  A month from today I will be on my way to California.  The past month has been a crazy time … a stressful time.  I’ve been incredibly overwhelmed, excited, sad and oddly enough .. homesick.  I’ve had this homesick feeling and I’M STILL AT HOME.  I’ve been thinking about how on earth I will possibly make it in California, both financially and physically/mentally.  Honestly, I won’t be able to … not without divine intervention.   Whenever I think about leaving home I feel sick and want to cry (my eyes are welling as I type this).  I’m going to need to find a job like as soon as I get out there .. which IS possible ( I applied online for a job and got a call yesterday, and was told to stop in once I get out there).  I think the hardest thing for me will be leaving my mama.  Haha … that sounds pretty stupid I’m sure, but she has been there consistently for me to comfort, encourage and guide me.  And I’m going to miss that SO MUCH.  I keep telling myself if I make it the first month, I can make it another 2 1/2 months (and then go home for break) and then I can make it another 4 months until the summer, and then I can make it through the next year and get my degree and then come back home if I wish (and if God wills).  I’m looking forward to my classes and I’m sure that I will enjoy them when I get there. I’m looking forward to sharing my apartment with 3 other super cool girls, and I’m sure it will be good when I get there.  I’m not looking forward to leaving my mom, but I know God is and will continue to be good when I get out there.  I was thinking about it and wondering if Jesus ever felt homesick.  Like ya .. maybe when He was a child and was away from His mom, but I mean homesick because He left heaven and the Father.  I think my communication with my mom will be like His communication with God, and I hope that my communication with God will be like Jesus’ as well.  I need to remember that my Father is my life-line … He is the perfect comforter … He is what can get me through.

I’m not gonna lie, this summer has already been long and hard.  I had to give up talking on the phone with a friend that I talked to almost every day and was extremely encouraged by and who was often available in times where the encouragement or just a listening ear was needed.  For the summer we have exchanged phone calls for letters, but a letter only comes once every other week (I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s just the beginning).  I have not been able to find a job (no shortage of interviews, but who wants to hire someone who is California bound for 2 months?).  Without a job, I have had to fight extra hard not to become lazy and there have been days where I have lost the fight. Also, without a job, my dependence on God has been taken to a higher level.  On top of all that, a dear friend of mine (and her husband) just left for Uganda, where they will stay for two years.  She has been a mentor to me for years now, and it has been really sad having to say good-bye, but at the same time, I am so happy because I know the people they meet will be just as blessed by them as I was.

With all of these difficulties, great opportunity has arrived.  The opportunity to get to know my Heavenly Father even better and to strengthen our relationship before I head off to California.  I’m still ruminating on some things He has been teaching me and some things I have read/heard the past few weeks.  I will post more on those things sometime next week ….

Music Madness Monday will not be a continual post sequence.  Only when I have loads of music I want to share.  Today’s post will feature two bands.  Fireflight and Wavorly.  Fireflight I just stumbled upon, and pretty much all of Wavorly’s stuff is amazing. Enjoy.

Fireflight- “Unbreakable”    Lyrics     1 John 5:4     4 For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.

Wavorly- “Sleeper”      Lyrics       Ephesians 5:8-14    8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

Lamentations 3:24-25 

 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,“therefore I will hope in him.”

 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.

The Broken clock is a comfort 
It helps me sleep tonight 
Maybe it can stop tomorrow 
From stealing all my time 
And I am here still waiting 
Though I still have my doubts 
I am damaged at best 
Like you’ve already figured out 

I’m falling apart 
I’m barely breathing 
With a broken heart 
That’s still beating 
In the pain 
There is healing 
In your name 
I find meaning 
So I’m holding on (I’m holdin on)(I’m holdin on) 
I’m barely holding on to you 

The broken locks were a warning 
You got inside my head 
I tried my best to be guarded 
I’m an open book instead 
And I still see your reflection 
Inside of my eyes 
That are looking for purpose 
They’re still looking for life 

I’m falling apart 
I’m barely breathing 
With a broken heart 
That’s still beating 
In the pain (In the pain) 
Is there healing 
In your name 
I find meaning 
So I’m holding on (I’m still holdin on)(I’m holdin on) 
(I’m still holdin on) (I’m holdin on) 
I’m barely holding on to you 

I’m hanging on another day 
Just to see what, you will throw my way 
And I’m hanging on, to the words you say 
You said that I will, will be okay 
The broken light on the freeway 
Left me here alone 
I may have lost my way now 
But I haven’t forgotten my way home 

This song has been on my mind a lot lately.  I’ve made it my prayer for the coming days.

Out with my mom for the day,driving with the windows down, singing along to the radio, Wait I thought … This song is really familiar.  It was Phil Wickham!! But wait! This is NOT Phil singing!  I was devastated. I have been bugging the local radio station for a long time for years to play Phil.  When I finally hear one of his songs I didn’t even recognize it, because it wasn’t him singing it!  

I will continue to bug the stations to play him, but I just want to know how I heard his song being sung by some one else.  Anyone know who it was or why?

————– UPDATE ————–

I figured out who was singing the lovely song on the radio.  It was Kutless.  Phil’s version is much better in my opinion.  I’m still awaiting a comment as to why Kutless was singing his song … but as some of us know Phil is a busy man now, and does not comment much anymore.

I admit it.  I’m having a trust issue.  Over a week into the summer and still no job.  No one wants to hire some one who will be moving away in 2 months.  If they do, they only want to give about 12 hours a week.  Soon I will have to pay rent among many other things and I have started to worry.  My worry and anxiety is a little road sign to my trust issue.  

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I watched August Rush last night (a very good movie in my opinion) and there is a quote from the movie that has stuck with me.  This man takes in Evan(the young boy who has run away from the orphanage) and when Evan is missing this man’s daughter asks him if he thinks anything bad happened to him.  To this the man replies “If his Father loves him like He should then He’ll do what’s best for His son”.  That is something that is so true that I have got to remember.

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In addition to that, God has never let me down before.  He has always made provision in the place that He has lead.  His character does not change.  He is not any different now than He was then.  I think I need to spend more time with my Father and less time on my own.  It’s time to let go.  

Graduation was a time I’ve looked forward to for a long time.  It came and went and I kind of wish I had more time.  More time with my friends who are invaluable to me.  More time with the teachers who have walked alongside me and counseled me through some really hard times.  I know I am supposed to be happy … and I am … but at the same time I cannot help but feel sad.         (Press play on both videos at the same time)

 and here’s the music that was supposed to play with the video … I’m mad it didn’t work, because it’s not as good without the words….  

For the few who stuck by me through some really hard times … your friendship to me is something I will never forget. You’ll never know how much it meant.  You’ll never know how much I’ll miss you.  I love you!!

To my class of 2008 … you were the best class ever.  I wouldn’t choose another class for anything.  I love you and will miss you guys.

“A New Law” by Derek Webb  For the times I start slipping back into legalism.